shes about as inviting as chlamydia
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
