i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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