And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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