I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
