your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize