he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
