Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
