He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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