Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
jump out the window naked night went bad
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
