I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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