I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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