There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
