If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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