So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
