Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
