therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
