Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
