you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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