I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
