i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
