She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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