i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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