I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
