My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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