Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
