Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
