I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
