We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
did you just send me my own nude
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
