I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
