he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
