No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.