I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
