dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
