Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize