everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
