But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
