WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
