not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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