I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
