I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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