You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
