I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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