Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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