I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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