I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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