I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
