I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
