I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
