I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Houston, we have a squirter
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
