I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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