I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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