this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
