Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
