I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize