Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
