my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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