come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
