Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
