Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone shit on the floor
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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