Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
