I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
