I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
