I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
