Did you just see the Batmobile???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
