I look better un-naked...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
