By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
