I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
