I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
