Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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