So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
