just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
