Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
