I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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