I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
