ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my liver is dry heaving
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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