are you so shy because you have an std?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
