you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
