dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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