sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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